What to do when perfectionism is paralyzing
A few weeks ago, I asked my email list to share the number one struggle they face when it comes to their memories (or not doing anything with them).
Beyond overwhelm, one of the key struggles you cited was wanting to make the “right” decision - perfectionism.
Here are a few of your responses:
“What to scrap what not to scrap, overwhelmed by all the photos, what if I miss something, wanting it to be perfect.”
“Not knowing where to start and then getting overwhelmed by it as you begin to feel you're getting so behind. Then disappointed that you haven't kept notes of events and cute sayings from the kids, and trying to decide on which photo to print, and wanting it to look perfect.”
“Mostly my own perfectionist tendencies which keep me from starting until the conditions are perfect... I have this irrational fear of starting and then missing the 'perfect' photo because they were disorganized.”
It all hits home for me.
Wanting to choose the “right” memories, the “right” fonts and format and photos can keep us from actually getting those memories documented and those projects done.
I’m still playing “catch up” in part because I want so much to “get it right” (although I’ve found lots of relief in my memory keeping mantra - you’re never behind!).
It’s hard to make decisions about things we care about, and certainly our memories (and the time and investment it takes to document them) matter to us.
And if my work resonates with you, then you probably care about how your projects look as well!
We want to do well, to make choices that reflect our style, our values, our budgets. But sometimes that’s easier said than done, particularly when analysis paralysis moves in and sets up camp.
I’m a lifelong perfectionist, and the struggle to make decisions and move on can be debilitating.
It’s left me wondering “am I doing this right” more times and in more areas than I care to admit.
And while I’ve experienced some freedom from perfectionism, it reared its ugly little head recently while I worked on a simple little project.
I wanted to share a bit about my struggle with perfectionism in case this resonates with you, and beyond commiserating, to offer a few ways to encourage all of us to step up and out of our it to make decisions about your memory keeping projects with confidence.
The struggle is real.
Recently, I sat down to work on a photo book project documenting the gorgeous homecoming photos Sarah Heinz took of our family at the end of my husband’s most recent deployment.
She sent me so many photos to use and since wallpapering our house with them wasn’t a reasonable option, I decided to put them in a photo book.
One day, documented in one book.
Simple, right?
I printed out the checklist I use for projects like this and started working through it. I knew the scope of the project, the photos I’d use.
I had no trouble deciding to do a softcover book, but then I hit a snag:
Where was I going to print this book?
I rarely struggle with decisions related to things I don’t care much about.
It’s not that those decisions (big and small) don’t matter. They do! But they just aren’t things in which I’m deeply invested.
For example, I just don’t “care” all that much about which TV we hang on the wall. I can’t bring myself to get worked up about the resolution or type or brand, so a decisions like that comes quickly, easily, and once it’s done I’m ready to move on.
I also don’t tend to agonize over really big decisions.
Things like my husband’s next set of orders, where we’ll live, our kids’ education - decisions in these “big” areas also come pretty easily.
I think it’s because I’m 40 years old and I have pretty well established what matters to me and what doesn’t. Those values-based decisions seem fairly straightforward at this point in my life.
No, it’s not the big stuff that trips me up.
It’s the little, seriously-doesn’t-matter (but I care a lot) decisions that can tie me in knots and keep me stuck in the mud.
When it comes to little things I disproportionately care about (like aesthetics, design, paper stock in a photo book, the rug for our living room, etc), I can be a terrible decision-maker.
I tend to get so wrapped around the axle about little things, like the size of a photo book, that it’ll take me a week to make my choice.
I’ve wanted to replace the rug in our living room for a year, but, alas, the old one that’s too big and too thin remains.
These decisions shouldn’t be a big deal, but the back-and-forth in my head causes stress, frustration, and sucks some of the joy and fun out of making them.
What to do about perfectionism
After this recent bout with perfectionism and paralysis, I wanted to think through how I can move forward when I feel so stuck.
What questions can I ask myself to help break through those indecisive moments - particularly when it comes to documenting our memories?
And what encouragement can I record to remind myself (and you) that it’s fine, everything’s fine (for real)? Just make a decision and move on.
I gave it some thought and wanted to share in case any of this hits home for you.
One
If you struggle with selecting photos, take heart. You’ll appreciate every one you included and you won’t miss the ones you didn’t.
Photos in a project are like the details at a wedding. Everyone will ooh and aah over the ones you include, but they will not miss the ones you don’t.
I remember my mom saying this to me when we were planning our wedding. I got hung up about something that was supposed to be on the tables but wasn’t going to be and she told me that no one would notice what was “missing.” They would only appreciate what was present.
I can’t remember what I agonized over, but I know we didn’t include it. Clearly not make-or-break.
Selecting photos for your projects can be really difficult, especially if you’re trying to narrow down your selection.
But remember: when you look back at that finished project, you’ll be so happy with what you chose (whatever those memories might be) and you will not miss the ones you left on the hard drive.
We appreciate what’s present, rather than noticing or nitpicking what’s missing.
Related reading: How to select photos for your photo book projects
Two
Done is better than perfect.
This has become quite the cliche among women on the internet, but it’s true. Maybe not when it comes to brain surgery, but let’s be clear - this isn’t that.
My memory-keeping projects are never perfect. There’s inevitably a typo or a print error or a photo in the final project that I thought I cropped but didn’t.
It’s always okay.
When you get stuck, take a minute to envision that photo book in your hands, or that video on your TV, your kids flipping the pages or giggling as they relive that trip to Disney.
Holding an imperfect book of memories in your hands trumps any potentially “perfect” project that’s sitting on your computer.
I promise.
Download my project checklist and step-by-step process to get your next photo book done in no time.
Three
When in doubt, go with the simpler option.
I rarely (okay, never) regret choosing to exclude a design element or including a page with some simple text and lots of white space rather than something overly design-y.
Design your project then simplify. Strip away the unnecessary. Choose one photo from the baptism. Go with five photos from that vacation, not twenty-five.
Minimalist design is simple to create - you don’t need a degree in graphic design to type a title onto a plain white page - but it can be difficult to achieve.
Why?
Because it takes a lot of discipline to edit out everything we think we want or need to include to get down to the meat and potatoes of what matters.
That said, I’ve never regretted choosing the simpler option. Fewer photos, fewer design elements, less clutter.
It’s the least expensive way to elevate any project. Simply include less.
Four
Make decisions once.
Something that’s a huge help for me is to decide what I like in particular areas of my life and then not worry about all the other options out there in that area.
I know what jeans I like (Madewell). I know where I print hardcover photo books (Milkbooks). I know which digital scrapbooking products I use (Paislee Press). I know what I do with my kids’ school memories (Project Life album plus a file box).
I don’t spend any time researching other options or ideas. I don’t click on denim ads. I don’t worry about a new hardcover photo book option. I’ve made those decisions, and it’s not to say these are the absolute “best” options out there - not at all!
But knowing these are MY options really helps me move the needle when it comes to my projects.
This is really where I got tripped up with this homecoming project. I was printing something fairly new to me - a softcover book - and I wanted to get it “just right.”
Perfectionism isn’t helpful.
According to the BBC, “the rise in perfectionism doesn’t mean each generation is becoming more accomplished. It means we’re getting sicker, sadder and even undermining our own potential.”
I saw this in my own struggle with perfectionism, and I still see it when I’m trying to get a project done so perfectly that I struggle to get it done at all.
Your memories are worth documenting, and you don’t have to do it perfectly.
I hope if that’s held you up, you can make some decisions and start getting your memories into your hands. It’s so worth the effort and only a few key decisions down the road.
Get started with your memories.
If you’re not sure where to start with your memory keeping or you’re struggling to come up with a cohesive plan for them, then I’d encourage you to check out my memory keeping system, “From Made to Kept.”
It’ll walk you through how to make these key decisions and then develop project plans that really help you take action. The process I share in From Made to Kept is how I really started to move the needle with my own memories.
And even though I’m not totally “caught up,” I have a plan and purpose for my photos and projects which helps me feel at peace about them.
