on becoming a mom (again)

It's hard to believe that Owen will be six weeks old on Sunday. Much of the first month is already a blur. I got really sick when he was one week old, and I had to be hospitalized for three nights that week and then again over Easter weekend. I spent four weeks on antibiotics to combat multiple infections.

It was a really hard month. And yes, being the mom of a newborn (and a toddler) is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. But having to spend so much time apart from Owen reminded me how precious this time is, and doing this for a second time means I know how quickly it will go. 

So I don't want to wish away these weeks and months when Owen is so little and sweet and helpless. I don't want to wish he would grow faster or sleep more or cry less. I want to try to enjoy the middle-of-the-night feedings (even when I'm exhausted) and the times when he's fussy and just needs to be held (even when it's right in the middle of dinner). I want to savor it. 

Becoming a mom has completely changed my perspective. Over the last three years I've learned to slow down, let things go, and not feel guilty about sleeping when I can. I've learned to adapt my goals and ideas about what life might look like to accommodate growing and raising two young boys.

In truth, I never thought I'd stay at home with my kids, but here I am: a Navy wife, a stay-at-home-mom, a freelance designer working at my breakfast table. I didn't predict that this is what my life would look like, but I'm also unwilling to change it.

Between deployments and moves and all the uncertainty in-between, I've somehow come to embrace our family's reality. And becoming a mom again has only cemented what I already knew to be true: that I actually like doing what I'm doing these days.

Each phase of our lives is temporary. Our boys won't need me forever the way they need me now. They'll never be younger than they are right now. For me, the keys to enjoying this mom thing are to relax and let go, live in the moment, love my family and create opportunities for myself to grow and learn within this framework.

And also to try not to stress if I don't get the laundry put away because I've spent too much time taking selfies with my kids in Ben's room ;)

Happy Mother's Day.