3 things I don't want you to know about me
The subtitle of this post should be but I'm going to tell you anyway.
I'm definitely not a "put-it-all-out-there" kind of blogger. Admittedly, I like to keep this space pretty light. But I really enjoy getting to know my readers and the bloggers whose work I read every week, and a big part of that is being able to relate to someone's vulnerabilities. So today, I thought I'd share three of my biggest weaknesses (plenty more where these came from!). I hope this will shed some light on who I am and perhaps resonate with some of you.
1 / I'm terrible with money.
Like, really bad. My issue isn't with spending - it's with everything else related to money. I'm almost always afraid to deal with it, talk about it, plan around it. I've never been able to stick to a budget, and I'm incredibly uncomfortable dealing with my own finances - always have been. My saving grace is that I'm married to someone who is great with money.
I literally hit the jackpot with Nick, who is a planner and a saver and so, so honest. Without him, I'd probably have a huge pile of bills shoved under the couch and be unable to set up automatic payments on my internet bill. I would also probably never think about money as it relates to my work. While this has been and continues to be a struggle for me (because let's be honest, money is necessary to living), I've gotten so much better over the years at recognizing this is an area of weakness for me and asking for (and accepting!) help with it. I'm good at a lot of things. Money isn't one of them.
2 / Patience is a virtue, but it's not one of mine.
Again, you can ask my husband about this one, but I'm naturally really impatient, which I've recently realized is more than just a weakness. It can be caustic when it comes to relationships.
I read something last year that completely changed my life in this area and brought to my attention how much I struggle with impatience. It said "No one likes to be around an impatient person. It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways... But patience stops problems in their tracks. More than biting your tongue...patience is a deep breath. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpion tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil... Patience makes us wise."
Oh, boy. That description of impatience is so convicting and so right on for me, and that description of patience basically describes the opposite of me. We're running late? I'm frustrated. The grocery checker is chatting it up with the lady in front of me? I'm annoyed. Ben is lagging getting in the car? I'm irritated. This is an area I've prayed about, talked with Nick about and really attempted to change. I've noticed that when I choose to be patient, I can completely diffuse a frustrating situation, and the opposite is true when I let my impatience rule the day. Some people are afraid of aging. I'm hopeful that getting older will mean I'll become more patient.
3 / I struggle to start things (because I'm afraid to fail).
Some people are able to just start something they want to do, and I so wish that was me. I'll research and plan and take notes and go nuts with preparation before diving into something. Or maybe I'll never even attempt it. This is as true with a major career change as it is with something as small as a Project Life layout! It can take me forever to just get started.
I've listened to interviews with people like Elise Cripe and Hayley Morgan, professional "starters" who seem baffled by people like me because they're the exact opposite. I truly admire the doers out there - people who want something and go for it, who want to try something and do it. My mom is convinced I took forever to start walking because I was waiting to make sure I could do it perfectly before the attempt. I'm sorry to say not much has changed. I've come to believe that for me, some of this is related to pride. I'm afraid of the attempt because I don't want to make a mistake. Knowing this about myself has helped me at least recognize when I'm stalling out of fear. Sometimes that's enough to get me to dive in, and sometimes it's not. It's entirely possible that I've missed out on great things in my life because of my inability to take a risk and just start.
I present a pretty small corner of my life on this blog, and I'm okay with that, but I think a little vulnerability can be a breath of fresh air. I've found the great thing about admitting my weaknesses is that someone always offers to help. When I read this post to Nick, we didn't get past number one (the $ stuff). He was like "I think you have a great perspective on money!" Huh?! A really great conversation followed, and we further differentiated our responsibilities as they relate to our finances. He didn't realize how much I hated dealing with that stuff and I didn't realize that my perspective actually had a positive side: I'm not attached to money as a definer of success nor am I envious of other people's wealth. Pretty cool.
I've never, not once, been burned when I've asked for help from someone who's strong in an area I'm weak. Humility is attractive and it means we can perhaps more easily find the people who "fit" with us, whose qualities complement ours. I hope as life goes on, I'll become even more comfortable celebrating my weaknesses. Who knows? Maybe I'll even get more comfortable starting things.
I'm certainly not going to ask you to share anything you don't want to, but if any of this resonates with you, I hope you'll let me know in the comments or via email.
Happy weekend, friends!